I was always one of THOSE girls. The kind of girl that dreamed of being a bride before she was even interested in finding a groom. I dreamed of my dress, the flowers, the music, and the toasts. I also dreamed about the girl in the dress, holding the flowers, dancing to the music and tearing up at the toasts. She was blonde, tan, and skinny. She was who I cut out of magazines, glued to my collage and pinned on my bulletin board (yes, a real one, pre-Pinterest).

When my husband (I’ll always refer to him as “E”) popped the question, I knew the girl he asked could not, would not be the girl he stood next to on his wedding day. I needed to transform into a beautiful princess and I had less than a year to make it happen. Without a Fairy Godmother, I had my work cut out for me.

Had I gone missing during this time and law enforcement checked my internet browsing history I would have been in t-r-o-u-b-l-e. They would have found all sorts of searches ranging from “What is the least amount of calories a person can survive on?” to “Does chewing gum make you fat?“. I can see the headlines now: “Mentally Ill Starving Women Vanishes“.

My new “diet” looked something like this:

1. Eliminate ALL fats. Fats make you fat.

2. Avoid eating out at all costs. Restaurants will make you fat.

3. No more alcohol. You will get fat.

4. Only eat Cheerios. Cheerios won’t make you fat.

I laugh while I type this, and I hope you pick up on my sarcasm, but I truly convinced myself that this plan would solve all of my problems. This plan was my one-way ticket to Perfectville.

Guess what? It worked. I lost a lot of weight and ended up being a thin, tan, blonde bride. I got what I wanted, but at what price? Although not in the traditional sense, I really became a Bridezilla. I was so hungry that all I could think about was food. I couldn’t spare the energy to create the dream day I desired from childhood, much less be a good fiance, friend, sister, daughter…

You might wonder what my husband was thinking during the months leading up to the wedding. Was he worried? Mad? Delusional? He was none of these things. The best I can describe E during this time (and many other times) is patient. I convinced him that this radical lifestyle change/scary Bridezilla phase was only temporary. I just wanted to be pretty for the wedding.

As with many things, it’s hard to shake off a habit. The extreme dieting and exercising lingered long after the “I Do’s” and honeymoon. I’m just beyond thankful that E and I can sit here, after all the crap I put us through, and begin to laugh about this crazy journey.

For all of you bride-to-bes out there: It’s not worth it. I traded pool days, happy hours and BBQs for long runs and early bedtimes. As I look back at our wedding photos, I see a girl who was literally too hungry to enjoy what was supposed to be one of the most magical times of her life.